http://stagingpoint.com/2005/03/01/guilt/ a microscopic cog in the catastrophic plan Tue, 15 May 2012 23:03:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 http://stagingpoint.com/2005/03/01/guilt/comment-page-1/#comment-5595 Heather Sat, 05 Mar 2005 12:45:43 +0000 http://stagingpoint.com/2005/03/01/guilt/#comment-5595 So you're not good at phone conversations. With strangers who catch you off-guard. And you're not good at shepherding them to church once they bring it up. And now you feel guilty. On the other hand, you let the guy talk to another human being, maybe something he hadn't done for days. Maybe every one else he's called up has cut him off immediately or hung up on him. Maybe they didn't even bother to listen halfheartedly to his ramblings. You listened. And you gave feedback that told him you were tuning him out, that he was boring you. And he recognized this fact. That could be a major breakthrough for him, Andy, especially if he's going through some difficult times. Maybe this realization finally dawned on him after weeks of his being miserable, wondering why his friends have backed off: maybe after he hung up he thought, "here's this stranger who wrote (whatever it was that hit him so hard that he had to call you), and even he couldn't tolerate me." And, hope against hope, this causes him to think and eventually do something to improve his life. You did something just by listening. Maybe more important, you let him talk for 15-20 minutes uninterrupted. Sometimes a lonely person just needs to yammer to another person, even if his audience is half-there. So don't feel guilty. He probably didn't want your advice, he just wanted the guy who wrote something that moved him greatly to listen. Maybe your writing did the communication that your mouth couldn't. So you’re not good at phone conversations. With strangers who catch you off-guard. And you’re not good at shepherding them to church once they bring it up. And now you feel guilty.
On the other hand, you let the guy talk to another human being, maybe something he hadn’t done for days. Maybe every one else he’s called up has cut him off immediately or hung up on him. Maybe they didn’t even bother to listen halfheartedly to his ramblings.
You listened. And you gave feedback that told him you were tuning him out, that he was boring you. And he recognized this fact. That could be a major breakthrough for him, Andy, especially if he’s going through some difficult times. Maybe this realization finally dawned on him after weeks of his being miserable, wondering why his friends have backed off: maybe after he hung up he thought, “here’s this stranger who wrote (whatever it was that hit him so hard that he had to call you), and even he couldn’t tolerate me.”
And, hope against hope, this causes him to think and eventually do something to improve his life.
You did something just by listening. Maybe more important, you let him talk for 15-20 minutes uninterrupted. Sometimes a lonely person just needs to yammer to another person, even if his audience is half-there.
So don’t feel guilty. He probably didn’t want your advice, he just wanted the guy who wrote something that moved him greatly to listen. Maybe your writing did the communication that your mouth couldn’t.

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