The Staging Point » Amusing

Don’t be a nerd—listen to Officer Byrd

Andy — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 14:23:05 +0000

I was pleasantly surprised after my last post (so very long ago, I’m afraid) to learn that so many of you remembered Cal Worthington, his dog Spot, and the ubiquitous television ads which made him a part of my childhood. But imagine my joy when I discovered this morning that, thanks to the internet, yet another memorable character from my TV-watching youth is still out there, teaching impressionable young children to wear bike helmets, avoid downed power lines, and never eat from the colorfully-packaged boxes of poison under their parents’ sink.

My friends, let me introduce you to… Officer Byrd.

That horribly catchy theme song has been stuck in my head for about 25 years now. I’ve sung it for my wife, but I suspect that until today, she didn’t believe Officer Byrd really existed. (Michele, I expect a full apology and a retraction of those things you said about my mental health.) But oh, how he existed. There are 14 Officer Byrd videos out there for you to watch (check out the sweet special effects in episode 4). No word on the controversial episode 15, in which Byrd’s cheerful partner Officer Mike is brutally killed by the Mob two days before retiring and Officer Byrd has to break all the rules and take justice into his own hands.

Darth Vader is Luke’s father (spoiler alert!)

Andy — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 17:47:39 +0000

I don’t go to many concerts, but oh, how many times I’ve wanted to write a variant of this brilliant letter upon leaving the movie theater. My particular curse is not the annoying music fan, but the Guy Who Narrates Everything That Happens in the Movie to his girlfriend/wife, a tragic woman who apparently is incapable of discerning for herself that yes, Batman is getting into the Batmobile, and yes, he is now driving through the streets of the city, which is of course Gotham City in case you’ve not paid any attention to anything Batman-related over the last few decades. And that guy wearing the scary scarecrow mask? That is in fact the Scarecrow, who you may recall was introduced to us several minutes ago in this very film.

Most recently I had the pleasure of sitting next to the Guy Who Loudly States Plot Spoilers Before They Happen, since it’s important that his wife/girlfriend (and the people sitting nearby) not be surprised by anything that happens in the movie. Fortunately the movie was Pirates of the Caribbean 3, the garbled narrative mess of which stripped spoilers of their usual movie-ruining power.

You’re gonna love the Nam

Andy — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 00:01:28 +0000

This is quite amusing and well-done.

That scene in Platoon, by the way, is one of the Andy’s Favorite Film Moments. I suspect that if I were to watch the film again today, it would come across as heavy-handed and overly dramatic. But when I first saw it back in college… wow. The slow-motion shot of the US choppers’ shadows flitting past overhead as it happens–good stuff. And it helps that it’s set to one superb piece of music.

update: and here’s the original scene from Platoon.

Watch your head, TK-421

Andy — Thu, 24 May 2007 23:24:46 +0000

This is probably old news to most of you, but on the off chance that a few of you have not seen this priceless Star Wars blooper, I must post it. During the escape-from-the-Death-Star sequence midway through the film, a group of stormtroopers comes through a door; watch the one on the right closely:

It happens very fast and is easily missed if you aren’t paying attention. The sound of his helmet smacking the bulkhead is audible, so I assume it was deliberate. Nevertheless, I watched this movie dozens and dozens of times throughout my childhood years before noticing it one day in college. It was something new in a film whose dialogue I (and most of us back then, before the dark times, before the Empire) could recite entirely from memory. I recall scrambling frantically to the orange dorm room phone to summon my fellow SW geek Jeff, one of only two people I know who can recite poor doomed Greedo’s cantina dialogue in the original Rodian. We probably rewound the tape (VHS, in those days) to watch that scene 20 times.

I’ve missed my calling

Andy — Sat, 12 May 2007 10:56:50 +0000

Why am I content to sit here, blogging in our west Michigan apartment, when I could be writing books like this?

If this were the late 1970s, there would also be a boxed wargame (with 1500 playing chits) detailing this exact scenario. I’m halfway tempted to create it myself.

(Spotted at the Judge a Book by its Cover blog.)

“It’s behaving itself perfectly”

Andy — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 15:19:14 +0000

This must be somebody’s idea of a joke. They couldn’t have thought of a different name for that?

It’s the question that drives us

Andy — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 22:34:39 +0000

Spotted on Wikipedia:

Admit it: now you’re curious.

I’m the [expletive deleted] Batman!

Andy — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 13:19:58 +0000

I’ve been in a comic-book mood lately, and so have spent the last week or so working on a blog post about Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns, the story that brilliantly redefined the Batman character and had a tremendous impact on the entire superhero-comics industry.
The Dark Knight Returns is an amazing piece of work, and the challenge has been simply trying to sufficiently convey its coolness within the confines of a blog post.
All was going well. My enthusiasm for everybody’s favorite caped vigilante had never been higher. The blog post in praise of DKR was nearing completion. And then… then I saw this [caution: strong language].
I think… I think I’m going to have to shelve that DKR post while I take some time to think about what all this means.

A midsummer night’s mutalisk

Andy — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 23:50:59 +0000

Starcraft poetry. Now I’ve seen it all.
My work here is done.

Worth a thousand words

Andy — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 18:35:55 +0000

Preach it, sister!
If only that could be nicely resized to serve as an instant-messenger buddy icon. Or maybe this. Or this.