Lileks discussed this article yesterday (you have to skip past all that stuff about his daughter). I feel that I am equally qualified to comment on the article as him–although I am not a parent, and he is; I am female, and even have been known to lie awake replaying the odd conversation in my head, though I’m trying to cut back on that sort of thing.
In any case, I feel there is a fundamental problem with the author’s argument. This is that the problem which is described is a different one from the problem for which a solution is offered. Both of these are real problems, but because of this disjunction, one of them goes undescribed and the other goes unsolved.
p.s. You will find a more well-thought-out commentary by a better-qualified author here. If you’ve grown accustomed to the sort of uninformed rambling that goes on around my blog, though, read on.
Before I talk about this more, I would like to say that the thing that ticks me off most about this article and every other article about mothers, is that the father is apparently not considered or expected to have any role in any of this. This annoys me in discussions of single mothers, in which the financial and parenting role of the father is often completely ignored. Now it is quite true that the father (or mother, when the dad has custody) more often than not uses every possible subterfuge to avoid paying his fair share. But being a jerk doesn’t earn him a free pass, in my opinion. We need to talk about how to get him to do his part before we start discussing how people who are not related to the family, and who certainly would have advised the mother against getting together with this jerk to begin with, had they been consulted, are expected to help out.
In this article, however, the dad who actually lives in the same house as his kids is apparently not expected to take any part in raising them, or helping with the housework, or doing anything at all, as far as I can tell. The only reference to a father in the article seems to be a fleeting mention of some mom being disappointed that her husband didn
Neat commentary by both Kim-Loi and Michele. I am trying to get Val to read some of your commentary on this sort of issue, but she isn’t really a web-surfing kind of gal. I am sure, though, that she would have plenty to say – and we couldn’t agree more about all these crazy expectations upper middle class families have. Be glad you have left Hyde Park; be very, very glad. Waiting list for the day school at Rodfei Zedek, Suzuki violin at age 3, go to the Lab school or you child is doomed to go to a state school… we feel countercultural just by having moved to the “sketchy” part of Hyde Park (without buying, of course – that would be considered a sound financial move, which we couldn’t possibly afford). Though if we both have jobs next year, maybe we’ll fall prey to all those things…
By the way, if any of you happen to actually read this, Val is currently in early labor, contractions 40 seconds, 10-15 minutes apart. Yay!
That’s great! You guys are in our prayers.
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