no apparent reason

Home Sweet Home (Motley Crue, Theater of Pain)

The Thing That Should Not Be (Metallica, Master of Puppets): Last night saw the premier of the new series, Tommy Lee Goes to College. I probably would have remained blissfully unaware of this, like you, had Tommy not chosen to attend the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, the scene of a good portion of my formative and post-formative years. So as it happened I heard a good deal about it from my inside sources at UNL. Even so, it was mere chance that I happened to flip through TV to see if anything was on before starting my movie last night. Some dark Fate took this opportunity to smile twistedly down upon me, and I found myself gazing at the image of Tommy Lee, twirling like a little girl playing ballerina in the middle of Memorial Stadium, chanting “UNL! UNL! UNL! UNL!”

Let’s Get Rocked (Def Leppard, Adrenalize): Having graduated from high school in 1991, I’m quite aware of the existence of the band Motley Crue. Though I couldn’t have named one of their songs, once reminded which ones they were I could sing at least a couple of lyrics of any of them that played on the radio back then. Also, they bring back all sorts of flashbacks of Jr. High and High School. For example:

• Smokin’ in the Boys’ Room (Theater of Pain): A triumphant anthem for several of the girls in my Junior High, although their wholesome Midwestern modesty prompted them to change the lyrics to “Girls’ Room.” (And I’ve got to give them credit for getting the apostrophe in the right place).
• Dr. Feelgood (Dr. Feelgood): He’s gonna be your Frankenstein! Imagine my surprise when I learned the Aretha Franklin song by the same name bore no similarities to this one.
• Girls, Girls, Girls (Girls, Girls, Girls): When we’re 95 years old and living in the nursing home, this is the music they’re going to be piping into our rooms.

Good times, good times.

18 and Life (Skid Row, Skid Row): So I know who Tommy Lee is. But why do all of these college kids? They had barely been born when Motley Crue was experiencing its heyday. Of course, some humor is found in the fact that some of Tommy’s potential roommates had no Motley Crue CDs and/or had never heard of Motley Crue. But the level of excitement displayed by most of the UNL students leads me to suspect that they were either put up to it by the show’s producers, or that some of the other, er, artifacts of Tommy Lee’s career have been passed on to a new generation. One or the other has to be the explanation for this exchange between Tommy and his mild-mannered roommate, Matt.

Tommy and Matt are doing their laundry in the dorm laundry room. They start the machines and Matt says:

MATT: Okay, let’s grab a seat.
They stare their hands for a few seconds.
MATT: So, what’s Pam like?
TOMMY: Oh, she’s great. And really beautiful.
MATT: So, weren’t you jealous, with the Playboy and everything?
TOMMY: No, not really.
MATT: Of course, now everyone’s seen you naked, so…
TOMMY: So, we’re even!
They stare at their hands for a few seconds.
TOMMY (Indicating the washing machine): So how long does this ^&*!@ take?

Ha ha! He doesn’t know how long a washing machine cycle takes.

Paradise City (Guns N’Roses, Appetite for Destruction): I’m pleased that they didn’t try to make the residents of my home town look like total clueless rubes. On the contrary, they make it appear that the campus is mostly populated by brilliant, hot* pre-med students. The show is, rather, premised on the conceit that Tommy is unable to cope with college life, even with his band tryout, at which he didn’t appear to have the first idea how to play the quads. (I happen to know, again from my sources, that he played in the band all season, so he couldn’t have been that bad).

Same Ol’ Situation (Motley Crue, Dr. Feelgood): The show made me laugh a few times, so all in all, it wasn’t the total disaster that I thought it would be. So next Tuesday on NBC at 9/8 central, won’t you please consider joining me in watching Tommy Lee Goes to College? Because…I don’t want to be the only one. And, maybe you'll see my dad somewhere in the background!

*Not my choice of adjective.

Posted by michele at August 17, 2005 11:49 AM