I’ve been going through a spot of insomnia lately. This has happened before, although it has rarely lasted so long. It’s getting to feel quite normal to me now, and although it’s annoying and some mornings I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck, I find that I really don’t mind too much. Also, it’s been getting better—I can actually fall asleep now, so am less annoyed about putting in my awake time knowing that eventually it will be gone altogether.
With or without artificial help, I’m able to get to sleep in a reasonably timely manner, but a few hours later I wake up and am wide awake. I feel awaker than I’ve ever felt before in my life. If you called me on the phone at one of these times and asked me how I felt, I’d say “awake.” I don’t feel good or bad or angry or downtrodden or concerned about the state of the world, I just feel awake—vigilant, even.
When I wake up, I lie there for awhile to see if I go back to sleep. When I don’t, I get up and dither around for a while. I adjust the thermostat, get a drink of water, feed the cats. After that, I gather up some pillows and blankets and go out and lie on the couch. I try to sleep out there, but my mind isn’t going for it. So I gaze at the darkness where the back of the couch is, and at the glowing gray square of the shaded window. Once in a while, I turn on the light to check the time. Pretty soon a cat comes along and lays down next to my feet, making it impossible for me to move, which I would mind in ordinary circumstances, but during these awake times nothing much seems to bother me.
I think/worry about things, but nothing very profound comes to mind. Sometimes I read, but I don’t read the book I’m actually reading, because I’m afraid it would make me even more alert. One night I tried to read History of the Later Roman Empire from the death of Theodosius I to the death of Justinian; it seemed as likely as anything to send me off to dreamland, but it didn’t. Lately, I’ve been reading Thurber. He talks a good bit about being nervous and wakeful himself, so it’s good companionship. And you would think a story like The Night the Bed Fell would make me sleepy—either that, or ensure that I never sleep again.
Eventually, if I lie there long enough, I usually fall asleep again for another couple of hours until time to get up and make the coffee. Two or three cups of coffee later, I’m almost as good as new.
Thanks for the sleeping recommendations, everybody. I've slept normally for the majority of the last 2 weeks, so things seem to be getting back to normal.
Jeff: My cats seem confused by my presence in the living room in the middle of the night, but they've come to accept it. They've adopted a "now what?" brand of resignation toward most of my activities by now.
Kim: I have some book recommendations for Molly, if she's interested...but not History of the Later Roman Empire. I'm guessing it's almost as big as she is, for one thing.
Debby: Maybe I should try reading Proust. So far, the only reading material that really makes me sleepy is stuff I'm supposed to read for class, but I haven't gotten desperate enough to try that yet.
Jen: I'm a big fan of honey chamomile tea, so even if it doesn't put me to sleep, it sounds like a good idea...that and peanut butter sandwiches :)
KDC: Funny, I don't feel much like Habukkuk. I'm not quite desperate enough to try wading through that giant binder of "Advanced Squad Leader" rules, even though it's out there on the end table staring at me.
Posted by: michele on March 25, 2006 12:29 AMVigilant, even? Sounds like Habakkuk. Maybe you can read up on boardgame strategy so that more of the photos Andy posts are of you dominating him in victory...
Posted by: KDC on March 10, 2006 9:02 AMAs you know, I get the same problem infrequently. It's all about establishing a night routine. Try drinking honey chamomile tea at night and put a kibosh on the caffeine after 3pm.
Posted by: Jen on March 6, 2006 9:45 AMIf you want a good sleeping aid, try reading Proust. He can even knock you out on an airplane. Eventually just looking at the book itself will be enough to make you drowsy.
Posted by: Debby on March 3, 2006 12:41 PMInteresting - Molly does the exact same thing every now and then. She'll decide at 11:30 pm that she just wants to look and point at her balloon mobile (while being held, of course). I would love to put her down on the couch with a book for a few hours.
Posted by: kim on March 2, 2006 5:18 PMI don't sleep normally anymore. I have no control over my mind. It's just far too active. At first, I found it somewhat annoying. Now, I just go with it. It gives me a lot of time to get things done. I call it the Forrest Gump approach to sleep. "When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm tired, I sleep." It doesn't really matter when. Well, it matters a little bit, but there are always a few moments you can steal for sleeping here and there. I rather enjoy my sleepless nights, and my cat is getting used to it. At first, he was annoyed with me. Now, he seems amused by me, typical cat.
Posted by: Jeff on March 2, 2006 3:54 AM