The pregnancy books say that the middle trimester of pregnancy is the best one, when women have gotten over the fatigue and nausea of early pregnancy and aren't yet big enough to be exhausted by carrying the baby around all day. For me, though there have been awesome things about every phase of pregnancy (as well as some irritations, previously documented in this space), the sixth month has so far been the most truly fun so far.
The best thing about being pregnant, of course, is getting to nurture a new life and look forward to the arrival of the new family member. But there are some secondary benefits, which I list below in no particular order.
But before I do, I have to note: when one talks about pregnancy, one necessarily get into much more detailed descriptions of happenings in one's own body than I, for one, would ordinarily be talking about. But that's just the way it is. Some people are put off by this, which is fine. I find that the people who are interested in hearing about other peoples' pregnancies are generally (1) people who have had babies of their own, especially women but to some extent the guys too, (2) people who haven't had babies yet but want to and are interested in the process, (3) people in the medical profession, (4) people who are too polite to tell me to shut up, and finally (5) people who fit none of the above categories but just have a weird and somewhat inappropriate interest in other peoples' bodies. I met one of the latter last weekend. But when you're pregnant, what's going on inside your body is out there for all the world to see and speculate on, so what the hey. I'm just glad he didn't offer to feel my stomach.
1. The baby kicking. I've long heard about babies kicking, but didn't know it's not just kicks that you feel. I also know when she's squirming, shifting position, just randomly moving around, and doing something that I can only describe as dancing. My mother's been asking me if she's gotten hiccups yet, I'm not sure, but I may have experienced that this morning. It's so much fun, it often makes me laugh out loud and wonder what exactly she's doing in there, and of course there's the poking game I described in the last post.
2. Big is beautiful. I've been self conscious about my weight and size for pretty much as long as I can remember. But now all that is more or less out of my control, and I feel better and more confident about my appearance than I ever have before. Normally I catch sight of myself and think some aspect of me is looking fatter than usual, and start trying to hide. Now, I'm unequivocally bigger than usual in several dimensions, but when I see myself, I just think "Hey, I'm supposed to look like this. I'm pregnant." It's a good feeling to feel really confident about the amount of space I take up. Women are "supposed" to be small, slender, and dainty. Often, if they're not, they not only feel bad about themselves but get tangible proof that other people don't approve of their size either.
On the other hand, I have met larger women who are comfortable with their size, it seems to be a part of their self-confidence and sense of authority. They take up the space that they need, the fact that they take up a little more space simply makes them harder to ignore or dismiss, and they couldn't care less if other people don't like it. Right now at least, I need and am entitled to some extra space, and if I bump into stuff or misjudge how narrow a space I can fit through, then that's just fine and other people can deal with it. I actually feel secretly proud when people marvel, as they often do, that I'm "only" six months along. Yes, I am going to get bigger, I'm going to take up even more space than I do now, and I couldn't be happier about it. Baby can have as much room as she needs, and so can I.
3. New facets to our marriage. Babies and small children have to put some kind of strain on any relationship, or at least change the relationship. I don't buy completely into the idea that society is anti-having children (the existence of "Babies R Us" would seem to argue against that idea), but it is true that the negatives to having them are emphasized an awful lot. I regularly read a humor web site which seems, mysteriously, to equate any reference to a woman having a child to that woman's spirit and independent life being mercilessly crushed by society. To me, it seems more like I'm proudly exercising the one ability that only women have and that men never will, which happens to be the one thing necessary to the continuation of humanity.
Having kids is also seen as putting the kibosh on the most desirable aspects of relationships, as idealized in the movies, which you most look forward to when you're waiting to meet the right person, and which bring you closer together during early phases of relationships. Of course, marriage is often seen as ruining relationships in the same way: romance movies and novels are about dating, not about married couples. What this attitude doesn't recognize is that having a child brings out entirely new aspects of your relationship. Movie-style romantic interludes and witty banter are all very well, but having a child with someone brings you closer to them than all the witty banter in the world. Plus, the strain that a child puts on a relationship, coming as it does from a positive source, will test your commitment and your relationship skills. But by being tested, the trust and closeness of a relationship will be validated and as a result the relationship is better than ever. Knowing that you can trust someone to still love you and do their best to take care of you when you are at your least loveable, say when you are subjecting them to a full-blown hormone-induced temper tantrum at midnight for some reason you will not be able to remember the next day is bound to bring you closer to that person--and more willing to be patient with them should they ever return the favor.
Plus, as I mentioned, being pregnant is (some of the time) a lot of fun, and sharing the experience with someone is way more fun even than strolling the beach in the moonlight or whatever the big romantic stereotype is.
Posted by michele at July 19, 2007 1:09 PM