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Dreaming of a Fantastic America

That fantasy worlds are better than the real world is readily apparent. As Americans, we invest enormous amounts of money and time each year in escaping the banality of our everyday lives despite the technological marvels and luxuries that surround us. One might be forgiven for wondering what, exactly, is wrong with the real world, that we need to invent imaginary universes in which to take refuge.

I have a theory, propounded at times to unfortunate acquaintances (a group of individuals of which you, gentle reader, are now a part), regarding this tendency of ours to dismiss the real world in favor of fantasy ones. In short, it's all about nomenclature. The words and names we use to describe our world are clinical and boring compared to the evocative monikers given to features in fantasy worlds such as Middle-Earth, Krynn, or a host of other fantastic universes. Pull out a map of the U.S. and you will be bombarded with mundane names like "Washington, D.C." or "Ohio." On the other hand, pull out a map of Lovecraft's version of Earth, and you get wonderful features like the Mountains of Madness and the Dread Sunken City of Rl'yeh. Which is the more interesting-sounding world? That latter, of course.

In the hopes of sprucing up our dull, monotonous North American lives, I have taken the liberty of suggesting several name changes to U.S. cities and geographic features, all of which make America a much more interesting-sounding place. I think we can all agree that my version of America sounds much more intriguing than the real one. Read on for my suggested name changes.

Which of these is the more interesting name?

  • The Grand Canyon or The Stygian Abyss?
  • Washington, D.C. or Skull City? (thanks to Jon for this one)
  • Detroit or Hellport?
  • The Platte River or The Frigid River of Broken Souls?
  • The Washington Monument or Bleakspire?
  • The Pacific Ocean or The Sea of Sorrows?
  • The Rocky Mountains or The Crags of Despair?
  • The President of the U.S.A. or The Masked Darklord of Forgotten Aranath?
  • Alaska or The Realm of Icy Death?
  • Yellowstone Park or The Bloodstone Wastes?
  • Old Faithful or Relentless Fountain of Watery Death?
  • Vice President of the U.S.A. or Witch-king of the Shattered Realms?
  • The Statue of Liberty or The All-Seeing Skeletal Watcher?
  • Mt. Rushmore or The Mountain of the Four Cyclopean Heads of Death?
  • Chief Justice of the Supreme Court or Agronar, Dispenser of Indiscriminate Justice?
  • Tomb of the Unknown Soldier or Forgotten Tomb of the Nameless One?
  • Gettysburg or Melshorak's Folly?
  • Lake Michigan or The Lake of Lamentation?
  • The Lincoln Memorial or The Crypt of Tashagrond Foehammer?
  • Muskegon Hall of Justice (no change needed)
  • The Everglades or The Marshes of Creeping Oblivion?
  • Fort Knox or Dread Keep of the Jade Empress?
  • Arlington Cemetery or Killing Field of the Eyeless Deathking?
  • The White House or The Iron Fortress of Tar-kel'ron?
  • Boston or The Necropolis Kingdom of Salucor Oathbreaker?
  • The Mojave Desert or The Desert of Ineffable Damnation?
  • Michigan Correctional Facility or The Bottomless Pit of Cleansing Fire?
  • The Midwest or The Blood Plains of Tyreath?
  • Carlsbad Caverns or Maw of the Underworld?
  • Golden Gate Bridge or Doomspan?
  • Mt. St. Helens or Demongate Mountain?
  • Los Angeles or Lair of the Bonelords?
  • any National Forest or The Forbidden Forest?
  • Death Valley (no change needed)

Are these proposed names not much more interesting than the originals? Try placing these names on a mental map of the U.S., and see what a difference it makes. With but a shred of imagination, everyday America could be as exciting a place to live as any imagined realm.

Comments

I'm all over your ideas for renames, Andy, but you may have also hit on something quite serious and deep there. Owen Barfield believed strongly that we actually live in a different kind of world than our remoter ancestors did -- that people in the middle ages and earlier, because they had a different (a more Platonic, in some ways) understanding of the world, lived essentially in a different world. Their world *was* in some sene a "fantasy world," in that everything in it was charged with significance and meaning.

That is why in the middle ages, people imagined angels and the heroes of old wearing contemporary clothes: because "contemporary" didn't mean "mundane" then, and you didn't need a change of world to escape the mundanity. The real world was itself the sort of world we need to go to fantasy worlds to find.

Lewis echoed Barfieldian ideas many many times in his writings, but Barfield took it really far.

The book of his that I'm taking this from is _Saving the Appearances_. it's one of the most mindbending books I've read.

Things like Thomas Moore's _The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life_ are a very pale echo of Barfield.

Hee hee. I'm partial to the Marshes of Creeping Oblivion, though I think the Crags of Despair is still my all-time favorite. I like to refer to the U of C as The Hive. It hasn't really caught on though. Which is itself suspicious if you ask me.

Inspired and creative post! I notice you missed a few key locations:

Seattle or The Eternal Tears of Ashah

Camp David or Masked Darklord's Eerie

Louisianna or The Unending Marshes of the Damned

Cincinnati or Melshorak Farted

Seriously though, you make a good point. I'm intrigued by Ed's hypothesis above, but would also place part of the blame on modern society's insistence that we all grow up and be responsible, in the process squashing most of our inate creativity and imagination. Think about it. As a child, did you have a hard time dreaming of creatures and kings all around your real world? Or maybe this continues for you as an adult? ;-) The problem is just as much perspective as it is nomenclature or worldview.

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